The Counselling view ...

apparently I chose to keep the curtains closed ... and all that my sister relayed from her bereavement counselling is indicative of how those of us who apparently
 seek attention from this... 

There is much in this already had in this passage of sub life... 

I have more deep rooted things to think about than whether to deliberately leave the curtains shut or not to seek attention ... ! I only stretch out if I will leave my daughter before my real time, in such a could be fleeting millisecond with the way I can go back to those silent days of speaking to no one my innermost ...  

I have never told everything ... for it would never be understood or perceived, as is proven with so much already ... 

The Road kill

the mud, the littered sand, the dead fish smell of harbours, the muck spraying, slaughter blood where one used to see a certain part of town run red alongside the once rail track, the mermaids washing, the tin mine shafts, the slag heaps, the dank and the beautiful ... 

The side of old, that is never portrayed in the brochures. The country as archaic as the industrial revolution in the more North of England ...  

Now it's pixels and recommended on much media in device, the outstanding natural beauty of the Camel Trail. 

All poshed up for 'emmets to tread continually on 

The new health and safety laws and outcries on much, that changed the modern landscape too. 

The swirls in the whirls

the dizzy spells are difficult to proceed this week last. The smaller stages I tackle everything from the start back in life are even smaller ... The kitchen tasks I had set outto achieve this week in fine tuning with each sweep through, is slower than I had hoped.

At least it can be seen in small doses the improvement in areas and tasks ... The updating of needs now, from where time stood still in rearranging the nooks and crannies. And I can see where there are and is a lot of wasted time. The solutions sought. 

It is a tragedy a lot is binned along with the minimal waste I cannot always strive for to landfill by dispersing via other means ...  I have no time or inclination to sell or do freecycle etc .... The security issues of this ... and waiting around for collections and other people's moods and the inevitable letdowns of unreliability ... time is precious enough ... 

And the way widows are perceived, even my Mum is seen as needy. The perceptions of the medical profession and builders etc of ... being on your own. Mum has had to muddle through too. We rather get on with it or adapt ... without the bother of the others moods if they feel like it ... 

Referring to the book

.... we inherited an extraordinary amount of bibles in the two homes in the clearing ... they lay silent within ... presently ... one that belonged to my deceased hubbys Mum did however last year get laid onto my late mum in laws coffin, from which my daughter picked up to read from at her Promotion to Glory. During the second part of the services at the crematorium...

Both my hubby and my father in law could quote from memory ... I miss these comments on moments in time in everyday life .... today it was a cousin who divulged much about the relevance to the current political arena in the more recent times ...

I was twirled back right throughout the time of the decades I knew my in laws. who brought a different prospective to this. My own father was an atheist until the time, he was dying, when he eventually experienced, relaying those very precious, personal experiences to him, to us ... we have never forgotten Mums reaction to this. A momentous time in our family ... My Mum was the one who had the background from her parents. She consequently sent us to a C of E school, and a church at the back of our road. To me though, I was fascinated with the diversity of my own parents. I still smile at his commentary throughout life on this. 

On my own road throughout life, I have attended various services of different denominations through friends, the Guiding movement from Brownies to a Young Leader, employers and colleagues ... very diverse. 

My first experience of a synagogue was for a funeral 

In fact my father in law in particular, who met my mum in law through the Salvation Army, quoted a personal to us from the bible on his deathbed, whilst he and I said goodbye for the last time ... therefore from the time we met to his very last words was full of praise, hymns, singing and more ...

He was an accomplished musician, arranger and pianist, unfortunately by the time I came along I did not see this much, the complex relationship where he was only home occasionally. He had many facets where he had a different life elsewhere ... the piano was there, not at my in laws ... 

The extraordinary in

the everyday and where it is not necessarily appreciated The aspire to have what we have not, instead of what we do have. The social media exacerbates that. This is where I have seen, that I do not belong with the majority in different walks of life.

And the irony I will be starting out again, when many peers have put in services in the various professions where you can retire at 55

A visual time

in tactile. The flavour amd sights of a festive seasons bountry indelible on my being. 

Enraptured by new new and old new alike ...
in the colour bold and golden in a special season