The day after the

ask... the death that inevitably came one Friday on from that September neglect further ... one that one does not speak of still ... 

Today another Friday in another place, another time, another season ... another year ... and it was sunny ... with one grey cloud that spat in spit ... 

... over the cathedral and city scene in capture of a shot in keep ... 

A Cathedral City ... in Cornwall 

Knock off time

and how many are put to bed ... Or left today ....?

The fundamentals

where once now nor and not ....

The rot in decay and death ... the grand wedding banquet of Miss Haversham in a mansion to the reality of hoards in society 

The legacy left of clearing a life left in many strands whether through mental, physical. the ills of phobias, addicted to ... addicts in tobacco, prescribed or other drugs The fermentation of hops or fruit 

The legalised gambles on life, with what goes on behind life, the secretive end in life until ... that bounds life in stealing life ... 

This only a touch on what can happen in life ritual in usual to the damn right obscure and mostly tutted at by lack of understanding... rigidly and disgust 

A new baby

in the extended family ... A cousin became a Grandma today... we have given up the count on the paternal line. 

I have just put aside the last family tree for my daughter for her generation of this line ... She will add the lastest addition. She has a keen interest on the family tree. 

I also recently came across a love letter of her paternal Grandads in those belongings of another ... and not from his wife. The well known skeleton of my in laws, he was secretive but the fact he was missing at Christmas and bithdays gave it away to everyone ... 

 The silent within how differently we all cope with such shenanigans ...  

The centre of

life and time 

in town, cities, villages, hamlets, communities and more 

Village pumps of old, monuments to the war dead, churches in dominations different, town halls, civic centres, clock towers, emergency response units only the start too...

.. an experience in  abundance once more from town to town on rail or road and yet to sail or fly again...

The hub of life of landowners these days in superstores, the supposed master visions in towns and new builds of back handers, despite the supposed transparency of due process... 

What is done is not always as said 

And a lot more since history lessons way back, centering not only on the designers, architecture, the engineers but slavery, child labour, women and  more recently again how railway systems we use were built in poor working conditions in archaic times that still filters through life to this day ... 

When we visit museums to see artifiacts or read or learn of history past, of those currently in segments of society looking at immigration as an influx of much on the burden of services, should remember how steeped we are in and around the world ourselves through time in produce, fleecing earths natural resources and interacting in other lands...

We are all part of this planet we share.

The ownership, boundaries, borders from the vast lands to our own little pockets we rent or buy if we don't roam on the streets or nomadically in metal, wood, bricks, concrete and mortar 

the quirky eco systems and mud huts made in hills or caves of the minority who do so in this country that would give the current trend of bad small squeeze new builds for much greed, a run for the quality lost ... in light particularly conducive to a healthy glow...

The light lost in this country greatly gone downhill, since I was last out in the world .. I read and watched a lot about designs of good architecture in a healthy home to colours to boost a qualitive life 

I myself  was sucked in a brooding dark dank life of another's complex phobias 

The bitter irony of much in my personal life ... 

All food for thought  ... 

Vague hearing

a bit like me at times ... the pitter patter of much needed rains I believe ... Thy eyes misty too, to see the damp path to indicate. The feel of rain from inside in the air.. The smell of wet mud. 

The hope to achieve the wind down in context of rehabilitation time with a Mum. And a sister. The catch up with locals and locality, from my Kernow times.  The integration of life where I still keep it at arms length ...The no interest in certain aspects of basic social contexts ... 

The silent wrath in rage 

Snippets and more

of those conversations around us ... this week again of life in mode to what generally happens. Those days in silence of life surround in solitude, disappearing in time. 

Another confused person like me in misinterpreting. On the outside the assumptions I am in knowledge...as we tend to do ... 

A lot in interest of what others do to others that is not good or beneficial  ... The phone lines that clock off dead on five in a middle of a conversation And the talk in town of the proposed regeneration of some major changes ... 

The silence in din replaced with life in talk ... And then my hearing goes all muffled ... 

Each day

since the smell of death and dark befell this abode ... The aromas are lifting back into the little flurries  in spasms of flushing out the home with an array of activities in scented candles, incense and lotions and potions, waxes and polish and antibacterial etc, which daughter put it lovely once, of me in our home. 

Though these are intermixed with another home that fell under the dark clouds of forebode too ...

 I woke up today after more recent clear in clean of layers taken back even further. Back more to where it was ... 

...once upon a clear and it felt indescribably wonderful. 

Tis good in the forthcoming

time with others... the definite Kernow time, the fit of a few days with daughter and then the Christmas plans ... the otherwise becoming very insular, recluse or whatever term society puts it into categories of instincts align from normal ... I would be termed as strange with loner tendancies which do not portray us all in the right light ...

... The way detectives, research in psychology analysts and all others statisticalize ...  

I require the alone to channel much in life that ripped and shredded into oblivion to stepping back outside again will take a while ... 

I busy myself in the parameters of my extreme lifestyle I led awhile, cos the beauty of the person l chose to be with became disoriented with much beyond comprehension... It happens to the good ...

9/11

the filter out of that time ... 

...

the effect that reverberates through and on from that day, like others in history ...

....

the images coming in the home, through that technology starting to capture life and death in real time  

that day impacted on life throughout the world in media 

It still leave us speechless ... my daughter in shared memories of that moment in surreal time 

Our memories too with her now deceased Dad ...

(then very much alive in the very essence of life, before our own dark dust loomed), 

... those days very much imprinted and etched in rawness 

... in loss it never mellows ... en masse or singular ... 

The cycle of shock

and today on one of those days so common for the variety of subjects annually ...

today subject tis suicide ... 

Research in much would assist ... 

from my experience there are no pills. words or notions to put forward 

Once you are on that course, it only takes a millisecond of a decision ... 

And the way mental health is still taught, the inbuilt wrong and right on how you should feel is too vague ... so too the questions about harming yourself or others ... 

It is like a play script ... Over rehearsed ...

been there ... experienced beyond what those immediate around have ... apart from a daughter 

even the post traumatic stress don't come in 

All that that went before ... an experience not common in 21st century in my circle of the UK 

past in echoes, aromas and movement

to rid and distribute items,after the time in recuperate. The movie magic I have enjoyed this week very much not keeping me still in the agitation today. The conflicts in time. The logic at times, whereas at another time it would be better just to fling the mountain mass out the window. The way in decisions.

Although the last two days was not without the difficulty in the tie to the home. At least on Wednesday I had some time out on a late summers eve, in our town ... and enjoyed the manic outside instead of inside for a moment ...

in the forthcoming days the rearranged plans, of late can be attempted to now get done... and this time to prepare the future ...